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BARIUl'S PAMASSTJS ; 



BEING 3^^^ 



Cnnfibmtial ligtloMrts 



OF THE 



PKIZB COMMITTEE ON THE JENNY LIND 
SONG. 



WITH SPECIMENS OF 

THE LEADING AMERICAN POETS IN THE HAPPIEST 
EFFULGENCE OF THEIR GENIUS. 



aSlespectfulls JBeTJicateti to tljc American Haflle. 



THIRD EDITION 



NEW-YORK: 
D. APPLETON & COMPANY, 200 BROADWAY. 

PHILADELPHIA : 

GEO. S. APPLETON, 164 CHESNUT-STREET. 

1850. 






f^\ 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in tiie year 1850, 

By D. APPLETON & COMPANY, 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern 
District of New-York. 



IS »06 



CONTENTS. 

PAGE. 

Preliminary Disclosures 5 

Volunteer Ode, by " the acknowledged best Song writer" — 

not a Competitor 12 

The Manager and the Nightingale, a Ballad ; being a Voice 

from the Ho(l)mes of the Poets 16 

Barnumopsis, a Recitative . ..... 22 

The Zephyr Song, by Sophronia of the South- West . . 25 
Broadside, by a Boston Bard ...... 27 

" At Midnight in his Downy Bed," by an Ancient Croaker, 

arranged as a Duet for Jenny Lind and P. T. Barnum . 34 
Sweet Fifteen, or the Brave Fireman .... 38 

« Tell me not in Spiteful Numbers," what the Heart of Jenny 

Lind said to the Audience 39 

" Such people I never have met," a Song to be sung under a 

Thin Veil of Fact 41 

" O land of happy Hearts and Homes," A Song without an 

Author, which the Committee need not adopt unless they 

please, nor Jenny Lind sing unless she chooses . . 43 
The Song of the Steamer Atlantic, by an Litellectual 

Stoker 47 

Grand Committee Chorus, prepared expressly for the occasion 

by the American Muse ...... 49 



BARNUM'S PARNASSUS. 



The Prize Committee expects to be aspersed and an- 
ticipates nothing but calumny. Publics as well as Re- 
publics are ungrateful. Poets especially are a most 
" irrilaUle genus, ^^ A great author has very profoundly 
remarked, that 

" Great wits are sure to madness near allied," 
and the Prize Committee expects that a great many Ameri- 
can Poets will be very mad indeed when they hear the deci- 
sion of the Committee. No allowances will be made (the 
allowances of champagne and cigars by Mr. Barnum are 
not referred to) for the embarrassing position of the Prize 
Committee. No regard will be had by the disappointed 
competitors and their dear friends to the peculiar delicacy 
of the task of the Prize Committee. The Prize Committee 
felt this the moment it assumed its responsible duties. 



6 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

It foresaw its destiny, and beheld (terrible vision !) the 
whole tribe of American Poets and Poetesses, with their 
eyes, as usual, in a fine frenzy rolling, scowling ven- 
geance upon the Prize Committee and the successful 
Songster, and handing their names down to posterity in 
bad heroics or vindictive blank verse. The Prize Com- 
mittee would willingly have escaped this dire necessity. 
It would gladly have shifted upon other shoulders the 
load which it — the Atlas of American Song — was com- 
pelled to bear. But the Prize Committee did not shrink. 
It faced the perils of its position. It came, saw, read, 
and selected. How, and in what manner, the ungenerous 
public will learn. The Prize Committee intends to un- 
bosom itself It intends to report confidentially to the 
whole community, and to solve the great question whether 
the world will stand by the Prize Committee, or the Prize 
Committee must" stand by itself 

It is not true that the Prize Committee put the songs in 
its pockets as fast as received, and carried them around 
to Clark and Brown's, Windust's, Delmonico's, or wher- 
ever the Prize Committee happened to go, for the purpose 
of asking the decision of its friends upon their merits. 
Every song had equal and even-handed justice. A large 
hogshead, the same in which the original Mermaid made 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 7 

her first voyage from Vermont to New-York, was appro- 
priated to the reception of the songs. As fast as received 
they were deposited in its cavernous depths. The hogs- 
head soon filled, as may be supposed, from the following 
report of one day's receipts. 



Receipts of Songs at Box No. 2743, on Friday, Aug. SOth. 

Little Rock, Wisconsin, and entire West, includ- 
ing new Territories and Indian Reservations, 10 

Pontotoc, Miss., and entire South, including 2 

from Cuba, -.--.. 3 

Boston, East Boston, Cambridge, and suburbs, 

and New England in general, - - - 241 

New-York City, Brooklyn and Hoboken, and all 

other quarters, ------ 337 



Total, 591 



In addition to which, a large roll of manuscript came 
in by express from Fredonia, Michigan, endorsed, " An 
American Epic, — ' The Alleghaniad' — to be printed 
entire if adopted, but only as much sung as Miss Lind 
chooses." 



8 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

The great disparity between the receipts from the 
North and East and those from the South, is a fact which 
the Prize Committee requests the Literati south of Mason 
and Dixon's Line, to put in their pipes and smoke. 

The ceremony of heading up the hogshead was per- 
formed in the presence of the Prize Committee after the 
receipts of the mails of the 31st. The fact that the hogs- 
head contained by that time, on a moderate calculation, 
about five thousand staves, made the operation of head- 
ing it a serious matter. Great fears of explosion were 
entertained by the Prize Committee, but by packing 
down the loose songs on the top with a few volumes of 
Griswold's American Poets, sufficient weight was ob- 
tained to compress the entire bulk into the requisite 
space. The hogshead was conveyed to the Committee 
Rooms. 

The Prize Committee wishes to be frank and confi- 
dential. It is not true that the hogshead of Jenny Lind 
songs was insured in the sum of $10,000 in the Phoenix or 
any other company, pending the decision of the Commit- 
tee. No Wall-street company would take the risk. The 
attempt was made, but the answer to every application 
of the Prize Committee, was "extra hazardous," and the 
insurance was declined. 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 9 

It is 7iol true that a song was telegraphed on, on the 
31st, by a Cincinnati poet who was too late for the mail. 
Such a proposition was made to the Committee, but indig- 
nantly declined. The poet insisted on sending on the 
dispatch, but it was interrupted at the tenth stanza by an 
unexpected rise in pork, which required to be immedi- 
ately telegraphed, and was never completed. 

It is not true that in unheading the hogshead, a violent 
explosion took place, seriously wounding four of the Prize 
Committee men. On the contrary, the decapitation of the 
hogshead was performed with entire success, and after 
removing the superincumbent weight above referred to, 
the songs were shovelled into five separate barrels, and a 
member of the Prize Committee assigned to each. 

The gravest of questions then presented itself to the 
Committee. What was to be done ? 

Prize Committee man No. 1, suggested that as these 
songs were conclusive evidence against the two thousand 
perpetrators of rhyme, the principles of Military Courts 
Martial should be adopted, and the process of decimation 
resorted to ; and accordingly moved that the songs be 
counted, and one out of every ten considered. 

The great objection to this method proved to be, that 
no one of the Committee would undertake the task of 
1* 



10 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

counting the songs, and it was unanimously considered 
derogatory to the character of the Prize Committee, to 
count them as a body. 

Prize Committee man No. 2, proposed that a selec- 
tion should be made of all the songs upon which postage 
had been paid, and that none others should be examined. 
Prize Committee man No. 3, hereupon rose to amend this 
proposition, and suggested that, on the contrary, only the 
unpaid songs should be opened, inasmuch as it was very 
evident that their authors were the most in need of the 
$200. 

Discussion on this amendment was becoming violent, 
when Prize Committee man No. 4, put a stop to it, by stat- 
ing that he had been credibly informed, that the postage 
had not been paid m a single instance. The Committee 
was relieved. 

A final proposition was made by Committee man No. 
5. " Gentlemen," said he, " this Committee is the em- 
bodiment of Justice. It should, therefore, proceed to its 
work blindfolded. Let the Prize Committee men band- 
age their eyes, and then proceed, each to his respective 
barrel, and select a single song. Tlie five songs so chosen, 
shall be read without comment ; after which, each Prize 
Committee man shall repair to his barrel with a lighted 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 11 

candle, and read in silence until he find a more satisfac- 
tory song. He shall then discard the former selection, 
and on the reassembling of the Committee, the second 
batch will be read as before, and the same subsequent 
process repeated. In this manner, certainty will be ar- 
rived at ; there will be at least five picked songs, and out 
of these the Prize Committee can select. 

This ingenious plan was hailed with universal appro- 
bation, and put into execution nem con. 

After considerable groping in the dark, five songs 
were brought to light; and with this quinque-foliated 
product of the Barnum Parnassus before them, the 
Prize Committee proceeded to break the seals of the mys- 
terious envelopes, and read in silence the first song, 
which, in justice to its distinguished merits, must be 
commenced on the top of a fresh page. 



12 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 



[Envelope directed in strong military hand. Device of seal, 
sword and lyre.] 

A VOLUNTEER ODE. 

BY THE "ACKNOWLEDGED BEST SONG WRITER" NOT 

COMPETITOR. 



Ho ! all ye bards, from best to worst, 

In village, town, or city ; 
Hand in your Songs before the 1st, 

To Barnum's Prize Committee ! 
Ho ! every charming poetess. 

Pick out your choicest ditty. 
And send it on, post-paid — express — - 

To Barnum's Prize Committee ! 

II. 

O Brother Poets ! shout for glee, 
For out poor, half-starved genus ; 

That in these raging dog-days, we 
Have found a true Msecenas ! 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 13 

And what in olden time was he 

To that rare fellow, Horace, 
In modern days, perhaps P. T. 

Barnum may be for M * * * * s ! 

III. 

O ye who rack your weary brains, 

And waste your midnight tapers. 
And get your labor for your pains, 

Rhyming for weekly papers ; 
O ye who toil 'neath Godey's lash, 

Or Sartain's tender mercies. 
Just think ! 8200, cash, 

For half-a-dozen verses ! 

IV. 

8200, cash ! My eyes ! 

In cash, two hundred dollars ! 
Why, in the good old centuries 

Your Spensers and your Wallers, 
And those Elizabethan gents, 

In ruffs, and beards and bonnets. 
Were glad to get as many ■pence 

For one of their short sonnets ! 



14 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

V. 

'Tis true ! 'tis true ! no fact is truer 

In Livy or Quintillian, 
For there is Barnum's signature, 

That's good for half a million ; 
' And Barnum's fame, I shall rejoice,' 

(I cried, when first I read it), 
' To sing as long as I have voice, 

< Or he has — any credit !' 

VI. 

And thou ! sweet Jenny Lind ! 10th muse ! 

For so my fond heart 'shrines you. 
With what resplendent, golden hues. 

My glowing thought entwines you ! 
Oh wer't thou but my guiding star, 

Pd fly where once I plodded, 
Thou charming California, 

In human form embodied ! 

VII. 

Ho then ! ye Bards from best to worst. 
In village, town or city. 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 15 

Hand in your Songs before the 1st, 

To Barnum's Prize Committee ! 
Ho ! every charming Poetess, 

Pick out your choicest ditty, 
And send it on, post paid — express — 

To Barnum's Prize Committee ! 



This ebullition of genius magnanimously declining 
competition, was received with great applause, and it 
was unanimously conceded, that if the author of the 
Volunteer Ode had enlisted in the Barnum service, there 
would have been an immediate end to the labors of the 
Prize Committee, and an adjournment sine node. 

The Committee being now fairly launched on its 
voyage of discovery, it was resolved, that no time be 
lost in canvassing the merits and demerits of the Songs 
as read ; particularly as it was inevitable, that if the 
latter branch of discussion were to be prosecuted, a 
second Committee would have to be fitted out to discover 
in what unnavigable seas or shoals of song its predeces- 
sor had suffered shipwreck. Prize Committee man No. 
2, accordingly, after moistening his lips with a few 
bubbles of Heidsick, produced a genteel and neatly 



16 BARNUM's PARNASSUS. 

folded manuscript, covered by the Boston post-mark, and 
endorsed with the memorandum, " If the within pre- 
scription should not meet the case, and be thrown up by 
the patient (Committee), please return it to the College 
of Physicians and Surgeons, Boston." 



THE MANAGER AND THE NIGHTINGALE. 
^ 3Sallatr. 

BEING A VOICE FROM THE Ho(l)mES OF THE POETS. 

I'm a famous Cantatrice, and my name it is Miss Jenny, 
And I've come to these United States to turn an honest 

penny, 
Says Barnum, " If you'll cross to the mighty Yankee na- 
tion. 
We can make in that Republic, a royal speculation ; 
Just resign yourself to me, and we will raise the wind, 
As sure as my name's Barnum and yours is Jenny 
Lind ! 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 17 

"I'm proprietor," says he, "of a splendid Institution, 
" Ahead of all that's English, French, Austrian, or Rus- 
sian ; 
Its nearly half a century since first it was created, 
And just below the Park the building is located ; 
A marble structure, proof 'gainst lightning, rain, or wind. 
As sure as my name's Barnum, and yours is Jenny 
Lind! 



" 'Tis our country's proudest boast — the American Mu- 
seum ! 
Its flags are all day floating ; a mile off you can see 'em ; 
It's the refuge of the Drama, both moral and domestic, 
The home of Nature's works, rare, monstrous, and ma- 
jestic. 
Including every wonder, from poles to hottest Ind, 
As sure as my name's Barnum and yours is Jenny 
Lind !" 



" I've got the public sympathies ; there's not another 

man 
Can get up entertainments on my peculiar plan, 



18 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

Some folks pronounce it liumhig, but that I reckon praise, 
Because they have to add — how monstrously it pays. 
And the end is still the salvo, tho' in the means you've 

sinned. 
As sure as my name's Barnum and yours is Jenny 

Lind ! 



" But in the last ^ew months there's been a slight decline 
In the living Alligator and Anaconda line ; 
Even Tom Thumb exhibitions are getting rather slow, 
And my factory for Whales was burnt a while ago, 
And the Mammoth Boy and Girl are getting rather thin- 
ned, 
As sure as my name's Barnum and yours is Jenny 
Lind! 



"I must provide the public with some new Exhibition, 

For I hold my popularity on that express condition ; 

So I thought of you Miss Jenny, the Swedish Night- 
ingale ; 

And I said, she's used up Europe, and some day her 
voice may fail. 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 19 

The chance must not be lost, my sails must catch the 

wind, 
As sure as my name's Barnum and hers is Jenny 

Lind! 

" So Jenny, come along ! you're just the card for me. 
And quit these kings and queens, for the country of the 

free, 
They'll welcome you with speeches, and serenades, and 

rockets. 
And you will touch their hearts, and I will tap their 

pockets ; 
And if between us both, the public isn't skinned. 
Why my name isn't Barnum nor your name Jenny 

Lind!" 

" All very well, Meinherr," says I, " but then Meinherr, 

you see, 
I shall have to ask at first, a trifling guaranty, 
Because a poor lone woman, that earns her daily bread 
By singing songs in public, must see that she gets fed. 
And on my own exertions you know my fortune's pinned. 
As sure as your name's Barnum and mine is Jenny 

Lind! 



20 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

" Just now I get a living that keeps me from distress, 
But then to cross the water to a sort of wilderness, 
Why that^s a different matter, and before I budge an inch, 
I must save myself the risk of getting in a pinch. 
And close with you a bargain that neither may rescind. 
As long as your name's Barnum and mine is Jenny 
Lind! 



"First of all then, my expenses, and a suite of two and 

twenty, 
Who must board at first-rate houses where every thing 

is plenty ; 
For myself a stylish mansion, or a neat suburban villa. 
With a coach and four in hand, and a service all of 

' siller,' 
And a pony for my riding, to be warranted in wind, 
As sure as your name's Barnum and mine is Jenny 

Lind! 



" Then the privilege of singing whenever I've a mind to. 
And just the sort of songs I chance to feel inclined to. 
For which I should expect (to make the terms quite light)? 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 21 

At least a thousand pounds in cash for every night; 
On these terms I am yours, if you can raise the wind, 
As sure as your name's Barnum and mine is Jenny 
Lind !" 



Says he, " That's mighty liberal, and added to it all, 

I'll go and build for you a new and splendid Hall, 

And then," says he, " I'm thinking that my next haul 

will be. 
Upon the ' liberal public ' of high and low degree ; 
And if between us both their purses are not thinned, 
Why my name isn't Barnum nor your name Jenny 

Lind !" 



A variety of knowing winks were on the point of 
following this scintillation of science, when the gravity 
of the Committee was suddenly and most effectually re- 
stored by the lofty tone of the next song, which, without 
a moment's preparatory warning, the sonorous voice of 
Prize Committee man No. 3, poured forth : 



22 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 



BARNUMOPSIS. 

A RECITATIVE. 

When to the common rest that crowns his days. 
Dusty and worn the tired pedestrian goes, 

What light is that whose wide o'erlooking blaze, 
A sudden glorj'- on his pathway throws ? 

'Tis not the setting sun, whose drooping lid, 
Closed on the weary world at half-past six ; 

'Tis not the rising moon, whose rays are hid 
Behind the city's sombre piles of bricks. 

It is the Drummond Light, that from the top 
Of Barnum's massive pile, sky-mingling there, 

Darts its quick gleam o'er every shadowed shop, 
And gilds Broadway with unaccustomed glare. 

There o'er the sordid gloom, whose deep'ning tracks 
Furrow the city's brow, the front of ages ; 

Thy loftier light descends on cabs and hacks. 
And on two dozen different lines of stashes ! 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 23 

O, twilight Sun, with thy far-darting ray, 
Thou art a type of him whose tireless hands 

Hung thee on high to guide the stranger's way, 
Where, in its pride, his vast Museum stands. 

Him, who in search of wonders new and strange, 
Grasps the wide skirts of Nature's mystic robe, 

Explores the circles of eternal change, 

And the dark chambers of the central globe. 

He, from the reedy shores of fabled Nile, 

Has brought, thick-ribbed and ancient as old iron. 

That venerable beast the crocodile. 

And many a skin of many a famous lion. 

Go lose thyself in those continuous halls. 

Where strays the fond papa with son and daughter, 

And all that charms or startles or appals. 
Thou shalt behold, and for a single quarter ! 

Far from the Barcan deserts now withdrawn, 
There huge constrictors coil their scaly backs, 

There, cased in glass, malignant and unshorn, 
Old murderers glare in sullenness and wax. 



24 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

There many a varied form the sight beguiles. 
In rusty broad-cloth decked and shocking hat, 

And there the unwieldy Lambert sits and smiles 
In the majestic plenitude of fat. 

Or for thy gayer hours, the ourang-outang 
Or ape salutes thee with his strange grimace, 

And in their shapes, stuffed as on earth they sprang. 
Thine individual being thou cans't trace ! 

And joys the youth in life's green spring, who goes 
With the sweet babe and the grey-headed nurse, 

To see those Cosmoramic orbs disclose. 
The varied beauties of the universe. 

And last, not least, the marvellous Ethiope, 
Changing his skin by preternatural skill, 

Whom every setting sun's diurnal slope 

Leaves whiter than the last, and whitening still. 

All that of monstrous, scaly, strange and queer. 
Has come from out the womb of earliest time. 

Thou hast, O Barnum, in thy keeping here, 
Nor is this all — for triumphs more sublime. 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 25 

Await thee yet ! I, Jenny Lind, who reigned 
Sublimely throned, the imperial queen of song, 

Wooed by thy golden harmonies have deigned 
Captive to join the heterogeneous throng. 

Sustained by an unfaltering trust in coin, 
Dealt from thy hand, O thou illustrious man, 

Gladly I heard the summons come to join 
Myself the innumerable caravan ! 

Profound silence and five segars. The Prize Commit- 
tee was evidently impressed, and subdued. Prize Com- 
mittee man No. 4, broke the seal of his envelope with a 
trembling hand, and released from the captivity of a satin 
wove envelope, decorated with a silver sprig over the seal, 
a delicate sheet of note paper, upon which, in the finest 
lady's hand, was inscribed 

THE ZEPHYR SONG. 

BY SOPHRONIA OF THE SOUTHWEST. 

Oh sweet and serene is the Nightingale's song 
Warbled out of his soft, downy, delicate throat, 
2 



26 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

As he sits on the tree top, and sings all night long, 
With a gentle, seraphic, symphonious note. 

Oh soft is the rivulet's low heaving dash. 

With its murmuring trickle, meander, and twist. 

You may hear its faint ripple and exquisite splash, 
If you pause on the moss-covered margin, and list. 

Oh mild is the Zephyr that sports in the grove 
In the glowing, profound, circumambient air, 

There the sweet little robin and humming-bird rove, 
And the home of the innocent woodcock is there ! 

But sweeter, serener, more mild and more soft 
Is the song I would warble and whisper to thee, 

Oh country of Barnum, — sweet country, how oft 

Has the thought of the Songstress reverted to thee ! 

I hail thee ! I hail thee ! and oh, how my heart 
Swells, heaves and expands, I cannot express. 

Weeps, sighs and rejoices, and fain would depart 
To the home of the Zephyr thy shores to caress ! 

And just as the Zephyr lurks in the cool shade. 
The meadow, the grove, the cerulean sky, 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 27 

Shall my spirit the home of thy greatness pervade, 
And soar with the Eagle to regions on high ! 

One of the Prize Committee was here heard to ex- 
press his deliberate intention to give that $200 to one of 
the " Female Poets." On the whole, he thought he 
should vote for the Zephyr Song. He had always un- 
derstood that the Nine Muses were females. There 
was a natural connection between Poetry and the Fair 
Sex. There were upwards of two hundred Female 
Poets in the United States ; and if this Committee 
neglected the opportunity of patronizing them as a body, 
to the extent of a couple of hundred, it would be a burn- 
ing shame, and another melancholy proof that the age 
of chivalry was not only gone, but was never going to 
come back. 

Further sensation on this topic was knocked in the 
head by the following 

BROADSIDE, 

BY A BOSTON BARD. 
I. 

On my honor, five quite pretty men 
You must be, you Prize-Committee men, 



28 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

Sitting there with such effront'ry, 
To decide who, forsooth, 
Of a truth, 
Is the Poet of the Country ! 
Just as if, you vain presumers, 
Filled with narrow Gotham humors. 
You could gauge Parnassus' summits 
By your paltry lines and plummets ; 
Just as if the nine old Muses 
Did as P. T. Barnum chooses, 
Or as if his picked Committee 

(More's the pity !) 
Caught them in their flimsy nooses ! 

II. 
Just as if we men of station, 
Poets of consideration. 
Wrapped in mental adumbration. 
In the Athens of the Nation, 
With a lofty consecration, 
Nursing our own reputation. 
And, by mutual laudation. 
Warding off depreciation, 
With a timely hush — 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 29 

For your wretched arbitration, 
Cared a rush ! 

III. 
" I had a vision in my dreams, 
I saw a row of twenty beams.'' 
Thus once a Boston Poet wrote, 
('Tis " The Dilemma '' that I quote), 
But little recked how soon his thouc;ht 
Its own interpretation wrought. 
The twenty beams are in your eyes. 
You five Committee men so wise, 
Two in each eye, that makes the score, 
(For aught I know there's fifty more,) 
Yet there you sit, the motes to find 
That make aspiring poets blind. 
And fix upon the only one. 
Whose vision can behold the sun ! 

IV. 

Now really, you five song inspectors. 
Doggerel readers and detectors. 

Who on the hapless, harum scarem. 

Frightened Corpus Poetarum, 



30 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

Sit as surgeons and dissectors ; 
Tell me, do you really think 
A Boston Bard would stoop to drink 
At such a Helicon as rises 
.For any number of your prizes ? 
As well we might descend with you, 
To race along Third Avenue, 
Or in the strife of buggies, goad 
Our steeds along the Flarlem Road !* 
No, no, the only thing we'll do. 
Poor New-York authorlings for you, 
Is, when a clever thing or two 
Appears in any of your books, 
We'll dress it up into good looks. 

Give it the sanction of our name, 
(A clever thing in us Patricians) 

And patronize it down to fame 
In one of Ticknor's best editions ! 

V. 

Well ! work away, poor Prize Committee, 
I've done ! 

* Vide, a late Phi Beta Kappa Poem at Yale College. 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 31 

It's wrong in me to be too witty, 
When I have all the fun ! 
But if this song should be the best, 

And you obliged to choose it, 
I'll add a chorus to the rest, 

And see you mind and use it. 

CHORUS OF BOSTON BARDS. 

Don't bother us here with your Jenny Lind prize, 

Nor to start up our Pegasus dream, 
We have learned that the way to be wealthy and wise, 
Is profoundly the rest of the world to despise, 

And be rich in our own self-esteem ! 

The Prize Committee rose in a body. It opened all 
the windows. It unbuttoned its waistcoat. It made in- 
quiries for ice and Croton. The Prize Committee had 
feelings ; it could not sit quietly under such an insult. 
It could endure open abuse, but anonymous slanders were 
too much for the Prize Committee. It examined the 
treacherous manuscript, but no traces of authorship were 
to be ascertained. The Prize Committee was the victim 
of malice. It meditated on the law of libel. It regretted 
it was not an Attorney and Counsellor. The Prize Com^ 



32 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

mittee came near doing violence to itself, and there is no 
telling what might have happened if the Prize Committee 
had not suddenly recollected that it was a husband and a 
father. The Prize Committee repressed its indignation, 
and in the exercise of heroic indifference and a cool con- 
tempt, seated itself at the barrels and devoted itself to 
duty. 

And was not that a spectacle upon which the eye of 
the American Muse might have looked with satisfaction ; 
the Prize Committee pursuing its researches in those tune- 
ful casks, the receptacles of the genius of a continent [Pa- 
tiently, and with a spirit worthy of its judicial ermine, did 
the Prize Committee delve into the recesses of envelopes, 
blue, yellow and white, and decipher the hieroglyphical 
manuscripts of two thousand poets. By a strange coinci- 
dence (as appeared from subsequent comparison of notes), 
for the first hour and a half every song opened by the 
Prize Committee, commenced either with " Flag of the 
Free !" " Home of the Brave !" or some analogous burst 
of patriotic enthusiasm. But the most interesting feature 
of the investigation, was the attachment and devotion 
which it brought to light on the part of the entire body 
of American poets, male and female, to the American 
Eagle. That august bird was the subject of universal 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 33 

homage, adulation and illustration. The American Eagle 
was referred to by name in at least nine out of every ten 
songs examined by the Committee, and his peculiar hab- 
its and manners furnished the most inexhaustible fund 
for the exercise of the poetic genius in its descriptive, 
imaginative, pathetic and prophetic flights. The Eagle 
was represented, sometimes, as perched on the inaccessi- 
ble peaks of the Rocky Mountains ; occasionally he was 
seen making formidable attacks upon the British Lion ; 
once, he appeared in full view with the island of Cuba 
hanging at his beak ; but generally he was pictured in 
all his glory, soaring in general, to no particular place, 
and, once or twice, he went entirely out of sight. 

The Prize Committee are fully aware of the great in- 
terest which the American people would take in the pub- 
lication of these songs, but the respect which the Prize 
Committee, as a body, entertains for the American Eagle 
(to whom these Disclosures are dedicated), prevents it 
from giving unnecessary notoriety to the personal and 
private habits of that Ornithological Veteran. 

After four hours diligent search, the Prize Committee 
rose from the barrels and reported progress. Prize 
Committee Man No. 1, led off with renewed energy 
and vigor, and the Prize Committee listened to — 
2* 



34 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

"AT MIDNIGHT IN HIS DOWNY BED." 

BY AN ANCIENT CROAKER, ARRANGED AS A DUET FOR 
JENNY LIND AND P. T. BARNUM. 

I. Jenny Lind. 

At midnight in his downy bed, 

Barnum lay dreaming sore perplexed, 
In vain he clutched the damask spread. 
And drew the curtains round his head, 

Still dreams his slumber vexed : 
In dreams from out the wave- washed rocks 
A Mermaid rose with golden locks ; 

While soft his drowsy sense to greet. 
In all her silver accents stirred, 

The voice of Jenny Lind, as sweet 
As Eden's garden bird ! 

An hour passed on and Barnum woke. 
That midnight fancy fired his brain. 

He woke, to hear 'midst fire and smoke 
The whistle of the Express train. 

He woke, to grasp his travelling cloak, 

And ere the early morning broke. 
The steamer's deck to gain ! 



BARNUM's PARNASSUS. 35 

He sailed, and in eleven days 

Old England's landscape meets his gaze, 

Past lordly towers and storied scenes. 

On rapid rail-cars see him flit, 
Nor rests until within the " Queen's " 

He sits, expectant, in the pit ! 

II. Barnum. 

Sing, Jenny Lind ! for Barnum hears 
And listens, too, while both his ears 

Drink in the vocal honey ; 
Sing for the credit of your name ! 
Sing for your transatlantic fame ! 

And Barnum's ready money ! 

She sang, sweet Jenny, long and well ! 

They piled the stage with fresh bouquets, 
She curtsied, and the curtain fell 

And hid her from their raptured gaze. 
She disappeared, but Barnum well 

The matter ponders in his mind, 
And in a fortnight more, the spell 
Is woven, and at her hotel 

The contract sealed and sif^ned ! 



36 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

III. Jenny Lind. 

Come to the dreamings of the Dunce 
Fortune, thou spirit bold and keen ! 
Come to the man who never once 

The wonders of Wall-street has seen ; 
And thou art powerless — the will 
Springs not thy bidding to fulfil, 
And grasp with all a Yankee's skill, 

On future fortune bent, 
Those hints of thine that point the way 
To where a moderate outlay 
Returns, and at no future day. 
Its seventy per cent ! 

But to a Barnum, who has made 
All nature lend her powerful aid 

To his bold enterprises. 
Nor yet a single scheme has laid. 
Nor with a daring humbug played, 
That has not gloriously paid. 

No call of thine surprises ! 

Thy form is welcome as the sight 
Of diamonds sparkling in the light, 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 37 

Thy summons welcome as the cry 
That rent the Californian sky, 

When first the adventurers bold, 
Beheld the stream by Suter's mill 
Begin the empty ditch to fill 

With sands of Virgin gold ! 

IV. Barnum. 

Oh ! now my deathless fame allied 
With Jenny Lind, immortal charmer, 

Down future ages yet shall glide, 
An endless Moving Panorama. 

V. Both, 

Whatever fall, we stand secure, 
Whatever chance, our cards are sure, 
For ever shall our fame endure, 
For who than we have higher claims, 

Who spread before the public eye 
Two of the few immortal names, 

That were not born to die ! 

Prize Committee Man No. 1 took a long breath. His 
successor, who had grown very impatient during the 
reading, dashed ahead at the top of his lungs, and with 
evident consciousness of effect. 



38 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

SWEET FIFTEEN, 

OR THE BRAVE FIRE BI AN. 
I. 

Just landed in New- York, what think you first I saw, 
With its brasses bright and clean ? 
'Twas Sweet Fifteen, 
Going to the fire ! 

iiT 

On Sunday, with the church bells, other sounds arose, 
Of heavy bells, all between ; 
'Twas Sweet Fifteen, 
Going to the fire ! 

TII. 

At noon all about there was a mighty rout, 
1 saw a thundering machine ; 
'Twas Sweet Fifteen, 
Going to the fire ! 

IV. 

A trumpet spoke at midnight, like a battle-cry. 
What could the summons mean ? 
'Twas Sweet Fifteen, 
Going to the fire ! 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 39 

V. 

Five and Forty red men past my window came ; 
Are these Indians I have seen ? 
'Twas Sweet Fifteen, 
Going to the fire ! 

Prize Committee Man No. 3, reported his great em- 
barrassment in venturing to present any song as a compe- 
tition with the Recitative which he had first read, owing 
to the evident impression produced on the minds of the 
committee with regard to that production and its source, 
and the Olympian shadow which it threw over all the 
efforts of all minor poets. He had, however, fished up a 
song, which might perhaps come into competition with 
any thing produced by the author of Barnumojpsis. 



'' TELL ME NOT IN SPITEFUL NUMBERS " 

WHAT THE HEART OF JENNY LIND SAID TO THE AUDIENCE. 



Tell me not in spiteful numbers, 
That my voice is failing fast. 

That my noblest triumph slumbers 
With the plaudits of the past. 



40 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

Trust not to the groundless rumor 
Spread by some malicious tongue, 

I can sing, if I've the humor, 
Better than I've ever sung. 

Not for barons, Dane or German, 
Not to court imperial favors, 

Not for princes wrapped in ermine. 
Have I trilled my noblest quavers. 

Not for Englands's Queen, or proudest 
Of her sullen lordly drones. 

Were the highest, or the loudest, 
Or the sweetest of my tones. 

But for you, O sovereign people 
In this dwelling of the free. 

Where each chimney, pole and steeple. 
Points to skies of Liberty ! 

Nobler notes than duke or duchess 

Dreamed of, here shall crown my lips. 

Loftier bursts and finer touches, 
Shall my former fame eclipse. 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 41 

Let me then be up and singing, 

With a voice more loud and free, 

Still aspiring, stretching, stringing 
Higher strains of melody. 

Prize Committee man No. 4 was understood to say, 
that he held on to the Zephyr, but as a parallel effort of 
genius in another department, would read a song, provid- 
ed the Committee could stand a strong odor of Patchouly. 

''SUCH PEOPLE I NEVER HAVE MET." 

A SONG TO BE SUNG UNDER A THIN VEIL OF FACT. 

Jenny Lind ; hair torsade a la Grecque ; robe of crepe 
lisse over pink hrocade, (godeis, volants de Point 
Briixelles, a discretion,) advances to the foot-lights , 
surveys the Audience, and then retreating with an 
expression of surprise and dismay, hreaks out to 
Mr. Barnum in an Aside, as follows : 



Such people I never have met 
In any respectable place ; 



42 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

To sing to this Plebeian set 

Will be an eternal disgrace ; 
In vain every face I've been reading, 

To try and discover, somehow. 
The first faintest trace of high breeding, 

Or an aristocratic eyebrow. 

II. 

Ah me ! I protest I must shut 

My eyes and my senses as well — 
There's a man who is eating a nut 

With a yellowish sort of a shell ; 
I never beheld any where 

Such a general consumption of fruits ; 
And just look where that monster, down there. 

Is trying to stick up his boots. 

III. 
There's a couple of women with muffs. 

In spite of the heat of the weather ; 
And there, without collars or cuffs. 

Six elderly females together ; 
And in front, with a red coral necklace — 

Most hideous sight of them all — 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 43 

Is a creature so perfectly reckless 

That she's come in a bonnet and shawl. 

IV. 

There's a vast many ribbons and flounces, 

And ear-rings, and bracelets, and curls, 
And turquoise and paste by the ounces. 

But where are your diamonds and pearls ? 
O show me a genuine jewel, 

Or a yard of Valenciennes lace. 
Ere you force me, relentless and cruel, 

To sing in this horrible place ! 

Committee man No. 5 confessed to having fallen 
asleep over his barrel for a few minutes ; but said that 
he rather liked the song which he was going to read, 
from the fact that its rejection would not be attended 
with any kind of responsibility. 

" O LAND OF HAPPY HEARTS AND HOMES." 

A SON& WITHOUT AN AUTHOR, WHICH THE COMMITTEE 
NEED NOT ADOPT UNLESS THEY PLEASE, NOR JENNY 
LIND SING UNLESS SHE CHOOSES. 

O Land of happy Hearts and Homes ! 
Land of the Free ! 



44 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

O'er all the earth a welcome comes 

From kindred souls, to thee ! 

To thee, O Land of Youth sublime, 

Bright jewel on the brow of Time ! 

O Land of Liberty ! 

II. 

Old Ocean clasps thee to his side, 

Land of the Free ! 
And Nature weaves — O beauteous bride !- 

Her richest crown for thee. 
For thee, O youthful Queen of States, 
For thee, the darling of the Fates, 

O Land of Liberty ! 

III. 
Thy glory brightens as it blooms — 

Land of the Free ! 
Starlike amidst the ancient glooms. 

It wins the world to thee ! 
To thee, O promised Land of Rest, 
To thee, the Eden of the West ! 

O Land of Liberty! 



BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 45 

IV. 

Far down the years the Future stands, 

Land of the Free ! 
And choicer gifts his aged hands, 

Still hold in store for thee : 
For thee, O Land of long increase, 
For thee, the chosen shrine of peace ! 

O Land of Liberty ! 

V. 

O Land of happy Hearts and Homes, 

Land of the Free ! 
With all the Earth's, my welcome comes, 

A Song, a Song to thee ! 
To thee O Land of hope divine, 
A welcome from this heart of mine ! 

O Land of Liberty ! 

The Prize Committee retired to the barrels again with 
undiminished energy. Its wonderful powers of endur- 
ance in the discharge of its laborious duties are only to 
be accounted for by the fact, that the atmosphere of song, 
by which it was surrounded, produced upon its nerves an 
effect similar to that of the air in the Mammoth Cave of 



46 BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 

Kentucky, and other extensive subterranean excava- 
tions. The Prize Committee had by this time arrived at 
such a state of intense exhilaration, that it absolutely felt 
a profound sensation of regret at reaching the bottom of 
the barrels ; it would willingly have read on until the 
end of its life, and then been headed up in the hogshead 
for preservation in that niche of the American Museum, 
to which a grateful posterity would have assigned it. 
But this, a sense of duty forbid. The invidious task of 
selection must now be performed — the third scrutiny (as 
may naturally be supposed from what has gone before) 
failed to afford any thing superior to its former discoveries, 
and the Prize Committee was about reverting to the songs 
previously selected, when Prize Committee man No. 5, 
extricating the last song from the last barrel, and break- 
ing the seal, suddenly started up with the cry of " Eu- 
rekaf an exclamation which, as afterwards translated 
to the Prize Committee, appeared singularly appropriate 
and felicitous. 

A unanimous vote confirmed the selection, and the 
Prize Committee publish to all mankind, the Prize Song, 
and inform the world at large, that any other song sung 
by Jenny Lind under that name, is in the strictest Pick- 
wickian-sense, a Humbug. 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 47 



THE SONG OF THE STEAMER ATLANTIC. 

BY AN INTELLECTUAL STOKER. 

Jenny Lind advances to the footligliis, waves her hand 
impatiently, and sings, with the air of an Improvisatore : 

Away with your verses, so dull and pedantic, 

They only disgust where you meant them to please ; 

I'll sing you the Song of the Steamer Atlantic, 
The triumph of Art, and the Queen of the seas ! 

O ye travellers, gay, grave, sedate or romantic, 

If over the water you're thinking to go. 
Just engage yourselves berths, in the Steamer Atlantic, 

At 56 Wall, E. K. Collins & Co ! 

What a model of grace, what proportions gigantic, 
How solid each timber, spar, paddle and shaft ; 

Just examine yourselves if the Steamer Atlantic, 
Isn't beauty and strength, 'midships, for'ard, and aft. 



48 BARNUm's PARNASSUS. 

O, well might the British wax raging and frantic, 
And Americans glow with a new kindled ardor, 

When they heard of the way that the Steamer Atlantic 
Had beaten the trip of the swiftest Cunarder. 

See her glide on her way, while the billows grow antic 
With joy, as her prow clasps the watery waist, 

And the white caps that gleam round the Steamer Atlantic 
Are got up in a style of unparalleled taste. 

And e'en when old Boreas, raging and frantic. 
Blows hard on his bellows resounding and hoarse. 

How grandly, how proudly the Steamer Atlantic 

Still dares him to combat, and ploughs on her course. 

Then away, then away, with your rhymes sycophantic. 
Your lyrical twaddling, conceited and long ; 

And join in the lay of the Steamer Atlantic, 
The noblest of themes for American song. 

And so shall our Union, supreme and gigantic, 
The Queen of the Nations, the triumph of Time, 

Sail straight on her course, like the steamer Atlantic, 
O'er the dark rolling years to a Future sublime ! 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 49 

Let Disunionists rave, and fanatics grow frantic, 

And the birds of the tempest in myriads swarm- 
Still gallant and stanch as the steamer Atlantic, 

Though her timbers may creak, she shall weather the 
storm ! 

And then (strange and unaccountable delusion !) it 
seems to the mind of the Prize Committee as if it — 
that most grave and majestic of tribunals — with its 
brain fired by the fumes of song, did suddenly, and by 
irresistible impulse, hand in hand surround that som- 
bre and vacant hogshead, and, witn nnpetuous move- 
ment, join in a delirious dance, in which — O marvel- 
lous metamorphose ! — the huge hogshead also bore its 
part — a venerable Saturn, surrounded by the Prize 
Committee — a luminous belt — while the roof resounded 
with the echoes of the 

GRAND COMMITTEE CHORUS. 

PREPARED EXRESSLY FOR THE OCCASION BY THE AMERICAN 

MUSE. 

First Prize Committee Man. 

O what fancies through my noddle 
Jump Jim Crow ! 



50 BARNUM S PARNASSUS, 

Hail Columbia ! Yankee Doodle ! 
Round about we go ! 

Up and down, high and low, 
Westward Ho ! 
Round about the hogshead go ! 

Grand Chorus. 

Up and down, high and low, 
Westward Ho ! 
Round about the hogshead go ! 

Second Prize Committee Man, 

Stars ascendant, stripes resplendent, 

Sons of liberty ! 
Thanatopsis ; Barnumopsis ; 

Woodman spare that tree ! 

Grand Chorus. 
Up and down, &c. 

Third Prize Committee Man. 

Flag of freedom ! Spangled Banner, 
Ole Ule-Le! 



BARNUM S PARNASSUS. 51 

Sons of heroes ! O Susannali, 
Don't you cry for me ! 

Grand Chorus, 

Up and down, &c. 

Hogshead, 

Joel Barlow ! guns and triggers ! 

Long time ago ! 
Lyres and lyrics ! tropes and figures ! 

Round about I go. 

Hogshead Chorus. 

Have a care, mind your toes 
Round about the hogshead goes ! 

Fourth Prize Committee Man. 

Eagles flying, steamers plying 

Sacramento's waves, 
New York city ! Prize Committee ! 

Stand your ground, my braves ! 



52 barnum s parnassus- 

Grand Chorus. 

Up and down, &c. 

Fifth Prize Committee Man, 

Drums and bugles ! fife and fiddle ! 

Independence day ! 
Yankee Doodle ! Barnum diddle ! 
Hail Columbi-a ! 

Grand Hogshead and Committee Chorus. 

Up and down, high and low, 

Westward Ho ! 
A thousand Poets in a row 

Yankee Doodle ! Jim Crow ! 
Round and round about we go ! 
Have a care ! mind your toes. 
Round about the hogshead goes, 
Have a care ! your toes beware, 
Round the Prize Committee goes ! 

the end. 



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